One of the biggest enemies of living the best life we can is simple, the approval of others.
Approvals run the world in many ways, from politics to religion, and it’s one of the biggest stumbling blocks that we can have in our life.
Why do we seek approval?
Basically, it is because approval makes us feel good and secure. Each of us has a strong and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure, it is in our nature.
When we are children, we constantly seek approval from external sources like parents, teachers, friends. If we feel approved by our parents, it will be easier to develop a healthy degree of self-esteem. Instead if we are constantly belittled or criticized, our sense of self-esteem will suffer.
(You might also like to read: Loving ourselves and having a High self-esteem can help us to be happier)
When we become adults, obviously things change and we should stop acting like children and rely on other people’s approval. If we don’t, we could be in troubles.
If having approvals make us feel good, we should also take into consideration that disapproval can have the opposite effect, therefore, it can make us feel bad.
If we keep seeking for others people’s approval, we will always be emotionally vulnerable because we have very little control over it.
Every time someone doesn’t approve us it will make us feel bad, so in this way our serenity and happiness depend on other people.
What do we need to do to avoid seeking approval from others?
If we want to live a good and happy life, we need to look into ways that we can cast down this notion of approval.
Seeking approval will distract us from where we’re going. It’s like trying to run forward with our head turned to the side, and still compete. It’s not possible.
We cannot go forward while our focus is on someone else’s opinion.
What we can do is very simple. We need to move the approval from external to internal.
As I have explained before, when we were children we were seeking for an external approval from people that were helping us in growing up, now that we are adults and we are grown up we don’t need that approval anymore.
What we need to do is, to focus on our opinion, we need to approve ourselves on whatever we are doing. If you like something and whatever you are doing makes you feel good, this is what’s important. As long as you don’t hurt people, you should really do what you want, without seeking other’s people approval. If they don’t like what you are doing, it’s their problem, not yours, because you are living your life, not theirs!
Acting in this way, we can also find true inner peace and security.
To avoid other people’s approval we need to be in charge of ourselves, in this post, I have explained why –> We need to be in charge of ourselves. –> To live a happy life we need to be in charge of ourselves
Few Tips to avoid seeking approval from others
You Need To Embrace “YOU”
This is the first major thing that you need to chase, and it’s going to pay dividends when you reach a point where you can do this, embrace yourself. You need to accept yourself for who you are to a point where you know your flaws, and you know your strengths.
You need to know that you’re loved, even if it’s only you. One way to do this is to look in the mirror and repeat positive affirmations.
Aside from that, focus on writing down great things about yourself. Showcase a sense of gratitude by writing down 5 things that you love about your life every morning before you start your day. Finding gratitude will pay dividends, no doubt. Test this out for a month, and see how your mood improves and how you will start to see yourself amidst the criticisms that others may have about themselves and others.
Do Not Seek What Others Think About What You Love
You love certain things. We all do. Everyone in this world has a love of something, and many don’t talk about it while others only speak up if they feel comfortable about doing so. What you need to do is let go of the notion that anyone else approves or cares about what you love.
If you love something, just go for it, continue to love it even if someone else thinks it’s awful. Whether it’s a certain type of food or it’s a television show or movie, an activity. Find things that you love and just embrace them, even if no one else will. You have the power to not only feel good about what you do and what you love, but you also have the power to free yourself from the validation of anyone else. If others hate things, let them hate, you know that whatever it is you enjoy is awesome, and that makes you awesome!
Don’t Do Things For The Sake of Others
This is a tricky one. This does not mean that you shouldn’t be kind to people. It’s not a matter of being mean or anything like that. Instead, it’s something to the effect of avoiding doing things for the sake of approval. For instance, if you do someone else’s work, they will like you. So you do other people’s work. This is a negative way to progress.
Don’t evaluate tasks based on any approval rating, or whether or not someone is going to like you. Instead, work hard to do your job and be a part of a team. If you do that, you will gain trust and friendship in the workplace, and you will not feel a growing anxiety as a result of what you’re doing. There’s a fine line here, so make sure that you’re fully aware of why you’re doing certain things.
Don’t Do Something because You are Afraid to say ‘No’
I have written a post you might like to read about: We need to learn to say NO sometimes
Don’t be Upset, Worried, when someone Disagrees with You.
Build Yourself Up By Learning New Things
One of the absolutely best things that you can do for yourself is learn something new. Take on the task of learning anything new. For instance, many people don’t know how to cook. This doesn’t mean that you should go to culinary school. Instead, look at taking a class or two, and learn how to make a few dishes that you didn’t know how to make before. If you can’t find a class, buy a book and experiment with 1 new dish every week.
Build yourself up, and be proud of what you learn.
If you push yourself just a little, you will find that you will not want or need the approval of others, and you’ll thrive to all new levels of personal glory.
Remember it’s hard to constantly live in a cycle where you’re seeking the approval of other people. Instead of that, seek out elements that strengthen your own esteem and confidence.
The Only Approval You Need is Within You!
Few Quotes About Approval
A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep. – Vernon Howard
People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most. – Wayne Dyer
Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. – Louise L. Hay
As much as we thirst for approval we dread condemnation. – Hans Selye
Do not look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best. – Andrew Carnegie
Please all, and you will please none. – Aesop